Party Strategy

OK so the weekend is happening now, and pretty much all month long, since it is December and everyone “would LOVE to see you before the holidays!” so here we go with fitnessing during the tough times.

You don’t want to DECLINE these parties, because then you might slowly fade from all invite lists, and then one day you’re home alone texting 45 people just to “see what’s goin on!” and start to wonder if maybe your phone is broken?

No, we don’t want that to happen. Go to the parties. Have fun. Don’t be that person who “CAN’T HAVE ALCOHOL, I’M ON A DIET HAHA…” Be a normal person, having fun with other normal people at a party.

BUT HOW DO I DO THAT?

You do that by doing a few other things.

1. Eat before. I don’t care what time that party is, you need to eat something before it starts. If you show up hungry, after one drink you’ll be drunk enough to not care about fitnessing, and then a pound and a half of smoked gouda later, you go cry in your poor host’s bathroom. We don’t need this kind of drama. Eat something healthy before you go to the party.
2. Bring something to eat and something to drink. First of all, this is manners. Someone was nice enough to invite you to their home, so be classy and bring supplies. Also, now you don’t have to panic when you get there and all they’re serving are Guinness milkshakes and french fries. No bigs! I brought a bottle of wine and some crackers and hummus. All set. Do you hate crackers and hummus? Huh. Well, you can bring cut vegetables with Tzatziki, healthy deviled eggs (use Greek yogurt instead of mayo), or a fruit plate with almond butter for dipping. Or whatever.
3. Don’t stand near the food. Just don’t put yourself through that. I will, without fail, eat a FRACTION of what I would eat if I were standing by the food table just by standing across the room, because who wants to walk all the way over THERE, while everyone watches you and counts how many times you go grab a snack? No one does. Trick yourself into eating less food, by standing somewhere that does not have food near it. It is that easy.
4. Drink a glass of water after every alcoholic beverage. This will do two things. First, it will prevent you from drinking a lot, because usually we drink because we’re nervous and panicking about not having something to do or say and taking a sip from the thing you’re holding is something to do. So, the thing you’re holding doesn’t need to be alcohol the whole time; cut some calories by subbing in some water. This will also prevent you from getting too drunk, at which point you turn into that crying cheese person we discussed earlier.
5. Wear something form fitting or snug. This is just a stupid mind trick I do, because it 1) makes me feel like I need to have an empty stomach to look good in it, so I’m self conscious about eating a lot, and 2) depending on how form fitting it is, it can be physically uncomfortable to eat a lot in it. It’s a reminder that if you eat a lot, it has an effect. Mind games!

Those are my main tricks. But don’t forget, a party is supposed to be fun. If you’re stressing the whole time about whether or not to have some of the mini-quiche or pigs in a blanket that look so tasty, have one (really, one). Someone once said (Bethenny Frankel or Socrates or something), “taste everything, eat nothing” as a party strategy, which is another good rule of thumb. The law of diminishing returns kicks in pretty quickly, so you’ll get everything you’re craving from one bite; there’s no need to have 15 more. Taste everything, so you don’t feel deprived, but don’t overindulge; just not worth it. Worse than an alcohol hangover, or even a food hangover, is a shame hangover. Act in a way that you’ll still respect yourself in the morning.

Do you have more tips for parties? PLEASE TELL ME. Seriously. I need all the help I can get, because cheese is my favorite food, unless you count wine.